Wednesday, 20 February 2013

Lazy Bloggers

Bloggers, w**kers more like.  Start a blog that no-one is interested in the first place, then fail to post anything for years.

Monday, 22 February 2010

Lift/Elevator Door Closers

You know who you are, selfish 'door closers' frantically pushing the close button as you see someone else approaching the lift.. and when the door fails to close in time, you pretend like you were nowhere near the close button and hover over the 'hold' button like you were trying to be helpful.

You not fooling anyone you selfish gits.

Monday, 18 January 2010

Missing Chocolate

I was reminded of this tragic situation after a recent Pegg / Frost movie night.   Sean of the Dead and Hot Fuzz both have Cornetto scenes and I'm looking forward to more Cornetto action in their next movie.

Everyone knows that the best bit of a Cornetto is the solid chocolate bit at the bottom of the cone.  But all too often you'll find this excess of chocolate cone lining missing.

Damn you Cornetto producers and your increasingly efficient manufacturing process, damn you all to hell.

Saturday, 16 January 2010

Extended Warranties

... or, most importantly, Extended Warranty sales people who attempt to sell you extended warranties on electrical products even though they have absolutely no idea how likely the 'domesday' scenarios they describe are to happen!

Once, a (very) spotty, (very) young man once tried to sell me an "additional" warranty on a 42" TV - starting from the moment of purchase - because "standard" warranties don't cover all eventualities. The eventuality he quoted was in case it "fell down the stairs" and no longer worked. I had stressed at the time that this would probably be covered under house insurance - and how fecking likely it was that it was going to "fall down the stairs" in the first place, but I digress....

Today's ire stems from a Teenie weekend working Curry's imbecile, patrolling the washing machine section of the store. She annoyed immediately by indicating that delivery was £9.99 for 'anytime' delivery - or £34.99 for deliver, unpack, install and remove old (etc etc) - but that couldn't be done until Thursday. OR, we could pay for 'next day' (at £19.99) - which allowed us to 'choose' which day we wanted. (Incidentally, asking if they'd install it as well on a next day she said "No, you have to pay £34.99 for that". Naturally presuming 'next day' meant that this could be delivered tomorrow (ie Sunday) - Me: "Oh, we can get it tomorrow, great!" - she informed us that actually the earliest they could do the 'next day' delivery would be .... yes, you guessed... Thursday. Anyhow, another digression.... ahem, get on with it...

Then came the extended warranty question - which, being expert grumpy shoppers, said that we weren't interested as we NEVER TAKE OUT EXTENDED WARRANTIES. You'd think that would do it - but no, we got a lecture on the 'particularly hard water' in this area and you really ought to think about it.... we even got a little leaflet explaining the how damaging hard water is. Just feck off and leave us alone... oik.

So, which'll go quicker - the shoddy far eastern electronics or the build up of limescale from the 'hard water'? I'll get some Calgon just in case, but jeez....

Monday, 11 January 2010

Junk Mailers

How much do I enjoy picking up the pile of take away menus, taxi business cards, clothing collection requests, estate agent flyers and free local papers from my doormat every day?  Not very much.

Stop pushing crap through my letter box!  They could at least shut the garden gate on the way out!  Bastards.

Monday, 4 January 2010


People who buy suits or coats and leave those little labels on one sleeve with the designer name on it. Show off nobs.

Tuesday, 22 December 2009


Right. A site dedicated to moaning. Where shall I start? Ok - Supermarket Eco-Bandwagon jumping - and, most importantly, the persecution of innocent shoppers like me - who, after filling up an enormous trolley of food, packaged in all manner of non-bio-degradable containers - mostly air filled - are presented with a 'till' completely devoid of any shopping bags whatsoever to carry items home with.

It is apparently their policy to NOT have any on display, preferring said punter having to 'ask' for some bags. 'Asking' (read, pleading) for some bags to carry the shopping, usually consisting - may I remind you - of a very large trolley, including many bottles of wine, tins etc - results in frustrated tutting and a reluctant supply of THREE bags. THREE fupping bags. You fill your three bags and ask for some more. They give you another three.... and so on, and so on - even though your shopping stretches across their conveyor like the skyline of manhattan...

Never has 'can I have some more bags please' seemed more wrong, frowned upon and ultimately embarrassing. The next time I ask for them, I'll also ask for a bag of crack, a couple of editions of 'Razzle' - and Gary Glitter's greatest hits - I wonder which'll get more of a response?

It wouldn't be so bad however the bags withstand approximately 37 seconds of actual use - rendering a box of cornflakes as severely violent as razor-wire when introduced to the bag - which surely must be made of gnat's bumfluff and the fluffy bits off of those flowers that aren't Dandelions. They've deliberately made them 'thinner' I'm sure.... can you remember those old bags from 'Mace' or 'VG' when you were kids? Christ, you could go sledging in them....

Now, I'm as eco-concious as the next man - and have a strong desire to hand the planet down to future generations in relatively good nick - but this bag thing has really got to me. Luckily they only have to last across the car-park into the back of my 4x4, and subsequently 'round the corner' to my house - god help all of those poor saps who have to walk home with them...